|Tuesday, June 26th, 2012|
Possible Best Response Ever
A woman is speaking with a male bisexual lover of hers from many years ago.
- Calm down. What are you on about this time?
- Goddamnit, I paid extra for those duck sausages to get here in time for the camping trip!
- Are you being serious right now? We're in the middle of the woods.
- Yes! My Japanese sesame oil and custom-ground espresso arrived just fine. And I brought plenty of arugula. The duck sausage people fucked me over!
- I swear, you get gayer every time I see you.
- [with a grin] How do you get to Carnegie Hall?
Overheard in Wayne County, of all places.
|Tuesday, May 22nd, 2012|
Train, train, take me out of this town...
First 40-something mother:
My son is going on a school trip. He's so excited! He's going to the Underground Railroad.Second 50-something mother:
I don't know exactly.Second:
How much does it cost to ride the train?First:
Oh there's no charge, the school is paying!Second:
I hope he takes pictures. I've never seen an underground train.First:
Me too. I'm so nervous! Current Mood: indescribable
|Sunday, February 5th, 2012|
Do I look like a fashion tool?
Outside a bar featuring old-time music:
- Hey, I like your glasses.
- Are they prescription?
- [flabbergasted] Of course.
|Thursday, December 15th, 2011|
buying a Christmas tree
- So where are your trees grown?
- Near Flat Top.
[The next two lines were said at the same time]
- Oh, we bought our Christmas tree from you last year, too.
- You bought your Christmas tree here last year.
- Wait, what?
- I recognized his beard.
|Friday, November 18th, 2011|
On an electric road sign on I-64 near Huntington: "Be Perpared to Stop".
Now I can't get Scar's "Be Prepared" out of my head. Current Mood: amused
|Monday, September 12th, 2011|
50-something woman pumping condiment: This ketchup is so slow!
Me: That used to be a selling point for ketchup, remember?
Woman: But not at a fast food restaurant! My fries are gonna get cold!
Posted via m.livejournal.com.
|Wednesday, July 27th, 2011|
|Wednesday, July 13th, 2011|
|Monday, July 11th, 2011|
You decide who's obnoxious here
- Nashville band front man: Well, I'm not religious, but I'm a Christian. Everybody clap for that!
- Nashville band front man: Now y'all are all going to church this Sunday, right?
- Random attendee, loudly and emphatically: NOOOOO!
overheard at Live on the Levee
|Tuesday, May 24th, 2011|
Where's his fiddle of gold?
- My brother got a new job.
- Good for him. What's he doing?
- [grimace] Removing mountaintops.
- Yeah. I guess it pays well.
- Sorry about his soul.
[Moderator's note: this post reflects only the views of the original author. All WV views, opinions and overheards are welcome here.]
|Saturday, April 30th, 2011|
I was sitting at the DMV in Charleston. A father and son were seated in front of me. The son was filling out paperwork and looked like he was probably going to take his learner's test. The father (salt-of-the-earth-good-ol-boy) turns around and asks me
- Would you write a cursive G for me?
- I'm sorry, what?
- We forget how.
- OK. Upper-case or lower-case?
- The big one.
- Ok. [Digs out pen and scrap paper from purse]
- So just the G?
- How 'bout you write "Glenn?" That's my boy's name.
- Sure thing, man.
I'm guessing this kid doesn't sign many autographs. Seriously, how do you forget how to sign your own name?
PS: He failed the exam. Nice people, though. We knew some of the same people and discussed local back roads at length.
|Wednesday, April 20th, 2011|
|Friday, April 1st, 2011|
Traffic this morning on I-64 was being more stupid than usual (driving at or below 60 mph when the roads and bridges are clear, turning hazards on and then off, etc.), but what took the cake was what was on the back of an 18-wheeler:Trucking for Jesus
I mean, professions of faith are fine, we're in the Bible Belt, etc etc etc... but "Trucking for Jesus"? I mean, really?? Current Mood: amused
|Sunday, December 12th, 2010|
|Thursday, December 2nd, 2010|
on another journal from here in West Virginia:
"...he also brought home the exact right kind of tampons without me specifying. ... I can't speak for your girl specifically, but in my mind he's just earned a blow job." Current Mood: amused
|Monday, November 29th, 2010|
This starts with a self-described trial attorney. I am NOT the respondent. I merely overheard.
- So he married a liberal Jew.
- I know, I know, you're not supposed to talk about religion or politics. But I was relaxed. I told her that every home in Switzerland is required to possess an automatic weapon. There's a reason Germany never invaded them. There are explosives in their mountains. You can come in, but the door closes behind you. And then the Swiss farm people will shoot you. You're not leaving Switzerland.
- Oh yeah man, it's totally the same way in Florida.
The respondent is a native Floridian. I couldn't make this shit up.
By the way, this group is meant to be user-fueled. We provide a space rather than a service. The mods droolingly await your submissions. If you live in WV, you've heard something crazy lately. Why have you been holding back on us? Share it, people!
|Monday, November 1st, 2010|
One more person to never share my moonshine with
While leaving work, a security guard struck up a conversation with me. In the course of this, he told me a dirty joke. Fine. I like the guy and funny's funny. I responded:
- Well, I don't have any blood relatives in this state, so I guess I don't have that to worry about.
- Oh, I know.
- Why would you know where my family is?
- Well, you didn't grow up here.
- I sure did.
- No way.
- Born, raised and college-educated right here in West Virginia. Why would you assume otherwise?
- Well...[stammers] you're smart.
- What? You don't even fucking know me. You have no idea whether I'm smart or not. Also, that's really offensive.
- What? Why?
- All I'm taking from this is that YOU'RE clearly not from here.
And, speaking as a moderator, you're officially allowed to say "fucking" on this page.
x-posted to my journal.
|Sunday, October 31st, 2010|
A swing and a miss
I bought a San Diego Charger's cap at the Milton Flea Market today. As the old couple working the booth were making change, I overheard this from them:
Husband: They're in the Series right now, aren't they?
Wife: They're a football team, you idiot.
|Sunday, June 20th, 2010|
Happy Birthday West Virginia! I love you so and I'm proud to live
|Tuesday, May 4th, 2010|
Provided she survived, your editors hope she shat directly in the driver's seat. Twice.
Hot, sunny day. Customer has been shopping for well over an hour.
Customer: I think I might get these things, but I need to go check on my baby. She's in the car.
Clerk: You left your baby in the car all this time?!
Customer: I call her my baby, but she's my brand-new puppy.
Clerk: You left your new puppy in the car this whole time?!
Customer: Yep! I just adopted her from the shelter. I saved her life!